My bf wants to live overseas for a year. I can't go, due to my own commitments with work and life.
He hasn't even left yet and this is already the hardest thing. I am on a roller coaster, I want to be happy for him and proud of him and support him, but on the other hand I don't want him to go at all, most of the time I don't want to hear about his plans but at the same time I do. So I sit, listen, grin and bare it. I have my own desires to go overseas, but only ever for holidays, not to live. Being a Christian means I can't live with my boyfriend until we are married and I have a job which if I left I wouldn't be able to get back or anything similar as it is such a rare yet sought after thing. I want to try and move up in my job and earn money before settling down. I can visit him maybe once? With the expense of travel and timings of holidays off.
He had a job interview via skype last night and ofcourse I wanted to hear all about it, but hearing it made everything sink in and made me cry a little at the reality of the person I love leaving. Constantly I have thoughts and worries running through my head, wondering if he doesn't love me and that's why he can so easily leave, or what if he meets another girl over there and falls in love, leaving me broken hearted. My thoughts then go onto thinking, no we can do this, we can keep in contact easily, he seems brave enough to do it, I'm sure it will be fine. My Christian thoughts come out and say God is bigger than all of this, he is in complete control and has my best interests at heart and so I am constantly praying over the whole situation.
I wonder if the reason why I'm so strung up about this is because I'm not in control of anything when I like to be, I just have to sit back and let everything happen right in front of me not being able to say or do anything to change the circumstances. Maybe this is a learning curve for me to trust. To trust in The Lord and know that everything will be alright and I don't need to carry these burdens. Or maybe these are normal emotions that everyone feels when they have to face this sort of situation. Writing all of his down certainly helps, so I may be spilling my heart out on my blog quite a bit over the year he is gone. It feels selfish for me to pray that he doesn't go, so I don't, but I continually pray that the Lords Will be upon this whole situation and that we both have help and guidance in being ok with whatever situation happens.
I just wish I could have answers or some knowing that everything is going to be fine, a knowing of what's ahead so I can be prepared. Unfortunately, life isn't like that..
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